Picking up the pieces

I struggled for almost five months,desperately trying to be the legs on which our tottering relationship was balancing.

But,eventually,everything toppled over and all I could do was just stand staring,overcome with shock and anguish,yet too exhausted to pick up the pieces.

I could have blamed it on him,he had betrayed my trust one too many times.
Or I could have blamed it on myself. I was too desperate,disturbed,and anxious,yet too committed and overprotective!

The more I thought about it,the more I realized that our relationship was strangely similar to the game where you stack narrow blocks of wood on top of one another in rows of three.

What for those three months? Did he still remember everything that happened with me? Did he still remember what he has said? Eventually,promises and commitments are all becoming lies. Did he know,all the time,I am still believe and holding with trust! But,the word "lie" was hidden in the middle of "believe" . And, the word "rust" was brought with the alphabet of "t".

Everything was started out solid and sturdy,but as the month progressed,pieces of the whole were withdrawn until the shaky structure crumbled to the ground in a deep of hurt feelings,angry tears,and painful memories!

The day "WE" ended haunted my mind for few months. I thought I could read everything on his mind. The last day I met him, he wore an expression completely unfamiliar with me, but deep inside I knew what he was thinking actually.

I acted foolish and scratched my face again and again just trying to get back his trust on me. But,all the responses I could see that he was very harsh to me. What for true love to somebody?

Until now,there wasn't a soothing voice to subdue my pain,a deep silence of pain. What I guess was right.

In fact,in every relationship,there are always "UP" and "DOWN". Argument is actually a test on how strong our bonds are! It is easier to have a break up if one or both parties never solved the problem with alternative methods. Does everyone know about that?

Alexander Granham Bell once said, "When one door closes,other opens. But we often look so regretfully on the closed door that we don't see the one that has opened for us."

It took me few months to avert my eyes from the door that had been slammed in my face. I stood looking through the keyhole at him living his own life. A life that didn't involve me. I banged on the door,I kicked and screamed til I was dizzy and fainted,but all I could do was stand outside,looking in.

I was going to forgive myself for past mistakes and start over.

Today I would begin to live my own life no matter who decided to slam their door in my face.

Relationship are always collapsing as I have been encountered!

But the only the strong can pick up the pieces and rebuild their lives using their experiences as footholds the next time around!

Dear self,please don't keep worrying about something which is not important anymore!

P/S: I've found back myself. I got myself, my studies and career for my whole life!