The reflections of 2011

How time flies, tomorrow is a brand new day, it's not more than 24 hours to go and year 2012 is going to replace with year 2011.

In 2011, there are a lot of ups and downs, as I trudged up the hill, laden with supplies. It was a tiring walk although I walked slowly the last day to 2012, 365 days are completed ! Every step was heavy as it required a huge amount of strength and wills.

The first 6 months were stressful and troubled.

"I was out of control as I fell into a deep hole in the ground from which people obtain water, the sides of wells are covered with barbed brick and there was a covering at the top of the well. I.......almost get drowned at the well".

The world is messed up.......messed up.......as I felt like doomsday is approaching me...

I did feel helpless to overcome the stressful and miserable life. Exam was damn hard and finally I managed to do it well, and I graduated my pre-U life. I felt everything was a hardship for me. Man-made factor? Environment factor? Think too much?

In half of the year, life has taught me a lot, do not let the sadness of your past or the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present, and there's a solution in every problem. Build a bridge of hope on a sea of despair! (:

Once I started my Uni life in September, only I realized that there are actually the same, burden doubles up, lessons are double harder, people are kinda fake, so I'd rather be thankful of my life no matter what the situation is...

I learn that life is a book.

P/S: Happy 2012, people. (:

kahmun

Wishlist

Yeah, my hair is getting longer and longer again, before that I got a hair cut for 2 inches off, and it's looking moisturized and nourished after the hair treatment , but still not long though, below my breast level. Hmmmm, why must we get a hair cut? There's no way for stopping the hair to grow, right? How good if we could maintain the length of hair we wanted.

Hmmm, my parents are busying in their business, and I wasn't allowed to go out frequently because I am still on the road to recovery ( completely ) , I must get wrapped up warmly for at least one month, especially in a cold weather! Yeah, I already told myself that I must take care of myself, on the progress, soon I will be the healthier one, as usual, playing all over the world. =D

New year is around the corner...

In 2012 :

- Get good results in every exam.

- Get my hair curled =D

- Get a pair of boots with fur

- Have my nose allergy completely cured

- Stay Healthy (:

- Partying with friends! =D

- Ride a bicycle ( At the lake garden, Bandar Tun Razak )

- Be happy and cheered every day! (:

- Peacefully

That's my wishlist...

May my wishes be fulfilled......

P/S: Happy New Year 2012, people.....(:

Kahmun

The end of the end of the year

Months are passing so quickly, my holiday is going to end soon, that means I have to endure going back to University for another strive. A two month break is definitely enough for me, two months off-to-relax, oops I am not totally relaxed, indeed I spend my holiday thinking about my future and doing research. OH NO! I have a mixed feeling upon knowing my holiday is going to end, I am such a weirdo!

OH YES, one of the best thing I've done is by making my room looks immaculate, I keep my bed and desk spotless, yeah, so that my allergy reaction wouldn't be so terrible!

OH NO, the weather is changing frequently and unexpectedly, I bet there will be a lot of people get sick more often in such a bad weather! Malaysia's temperature can fluctuate by as much as 10 degrees which is from 25-35 celcius! So I've been suffering from cold & severe flu , I've changed 1 doctor and only I could get relief, phew!!!!! I was told that I've got 猪毛丹 ( a kind of severe cold ) , and I felt like vomiting and fatigue at all time, and also headache, my body felt like it's freezing though! :O Due to that ill so I couldn't attend for 2 outings with my college mates! But now I've fully recovered! What the sick holiday! Phui !

I am so fragile I know ! I must take care of myself more! :D

P/S: I'm always with me! (:

To be continued......

kahmun

Excel at life

People, I have a piece of good news, that I've completely walked out from depression/panic/anxiety, eh i think it's partially only, I will work out with myself, I know I CAN DO IT! I have confidence to myself. Blessed of luck and passion!

Few days ago, I was browsing for books and references from android market in my phone, and I had discovered a title called "stop panic and anxiety" , NO HARM IN CURIOSITY , I downloaded it and read.

The resource is separated into four parts which are info, audio, dairy, and articles.

Firstly I read the introduction , followed by audio and articles.

It says to learn to control panic and anxiety you must understand it, the next step is training and learning the methods to physically calm your body, the audio in that application will help you learn, the relaxation teaches you calming skills, and it really worked out! (:

Next, it's thinking. Certain thinking styles contribute to panic and anxiety, learn how to change this thinking by using the anxiety dairy. It helps you to determine ways to challenge the thinking, once you have done that, it's important to read the challenges frequently until they automatically come to mind to replace the anxious thinking.

Here is the link about this application:

http://www.excelatlife.com/

I hope people who are having panic and anxiety could get rid of it in their life.

kahmun.

The struggle

I broke my promise, I cried again in the middle of night. The past few months I even made a promise for not shedding a tear anymore, from that time onward. My nose burns and blocks, and my heart hurts when I start to cry, I don't want this to be happened so I've made a promise to myself. I don't feel right today! ):

Dear self, I am extremely sorry!

I've been crying for 6 months + and I really have no idea! It's not hard to recall how it feels, it indeed turns me into a horrible person. ): Crying seems becoming a part of my life. Well, take it easy then!

Last year from today - 5/12.

It's freezing today, a cloudy and windy day often reminds me how that incident has been gone through. From love to hurts, from hurts to hatred, and from hatred to stranger. What my friends told me was right, the person who you care the most is the one who hurts you the most. Dare to try, people?

Sometimes I feel envious of those who are loving each other no matter in what condition! Does trust exist in the world? Does love exist in the world? I already lost trust in everyone...

P/S: I am sorry for those sensitive words...

Perfect?

We had a great outing today, after the heavy rain yesterday I think everybody was happy to be out, I woke up early this morning, I realized that I was actually suffered badly with insomnia, I woke up in the middle of the night, my head was lowering to my left shoulder and my neck hurts.

Well, after the wash-up, I was heading to "pasar" where the house's resident used to have breakfast or get some fresh meats and veges, I've ordered a plate of mee and ate it very slowly, I was actually thinking of something...

Crossed the bridge...I looked at him, the motorcyclist looked back at me... ( you aren't a snatch theft ) LOL!

Walked to LRT station, I sweated all over my body then.

Yes - I met him, the beloved brother - st :D

This time we were going to karaoke at Greenbox - sg. wang plaza, from 1pm-4pm. After the renovation, I've seen everything is changed, the environment, design, and system seems very well improved. I prefer the sound effect and also the touch screen navigation for selecting the song. :D Sadly, the foods and beverages have becoming lousier than last time. Oops =O

Before karaoke, I tagged along with him to restaurant wan tan mee, I know there's another branch at Kuchai Lama , it tasted not very delicious to me last time when I was eating the wan tan mee. But he said he misses "wan tan mee" very much so I didn't think to ruin his appetite! xD

To be franked, I felt completely worn out after the karaoke, yet we had so much fun and joys. (:

We were heading to Time Square after that...

Here come for roaming and strolling around the Time Square! Grabbed a piece of christmas card, thought of giving it to my friend. (:

We left the place at 6 o' clock!

I really feel very cheerful today, I guess he is...too. (: Thanks for lending me your ears to pour out all the things.

Ya, I hope to see him again. (:

Take care.

P/S: Happy mun. :D

Here am I

I feel like pouring out something in here, its about the complicated feeling after I've been kept hidden for some time....

The only way is to bury my feelings and emotions under the corner of my heart...

Wave after wave of pent-up emotion, and the countless of unexpected and unexplained thoughts and moods were making my mind out of control, but I don't have the attempt of ending my life. I don't feel right to share this kind of emotion to the people around me, and also my dearest family. I really feel shame on my behaviour, secret, thought, and also the way I treat it.

My throat feels very tight....it's like something is strangling or tie up your neck tightly until you feel breathless and choked. I dislike this kind of condition when I am out of control. I am in anxiety huh?

I don't know why I still could make the people around me happily and cheerful instead of leading them to the sadness. Perhaps I am good in hiding my actual feelings. Huh.

The stresses of life and moving on, they are actually a hardship to me now. ):

When I think about......December.

Sigh.

Memories tinged with sadness - 5/12 (':

kahmun.