Dear self

This is a long overdue letter,and for that I am sorry. In fact, a lot of what I want to say in this letter is about apologizing. I never made a conscious choice to hurt you. And yet I have in so many different ways. Strangely enough,my motivation for doing most of the abusive I did to you was about trying to make me and us feel better.

I am sorry the way I have treated you,the matter went badly until you feel tired and numbness. Your heart is broken. Your mind has messed up. Your health is very bad. I am sorry for the things I have said and for the complete lack of faith I have had in you at times. I apologize for not regarding you in the way you deserve,and most of all for not placing your needs above all others. I have looked everywhere but to you the love I need. I have done things and acted in ways that are shameful.

I know you know that our journey will be a LONG one,our dream,our target,our desire,and it will be far from easy. I am afraid that I will fail again,and there is a voice that speaks loudly warning me to not even try,that I am only asking for disappointment. But you deserve a hundred more attempts at getting it right and if that is what it takes,well then,a hundred more will be.

I know,as you do,that the journey will be filled with steps forward,followed by steps back. But that is okay. Each day I will wake up with a renewed effort and a humble prayer for the guidance I need to get back to you and to the spirit that is truly me.

I know you forgive me and I am so grateful for that. Today is a new day,and,with your love and support,I will take those small,but very important,steps forward.

Me.